Although fewer Americans are having children today, the National Institutes of Health notes that the majority of divorces still involve children. Why? Because most divorces occur within the first 14 years of marriage – a time when most children have not yet left home. As a result, the majority of divorcing spouses need to consider both economic and psychological issues when ending their marriages. For many parents, the long-term mental well-being of their children is more important than the family home, alimony payments, or any other financial factor. Effective communication about divorce with children can be challenging during this turbulent time, but it could pave the way for a stable post-divorce life. To learn more about the legal factors surrounding divorce with children, parents may wish to speak with experienced child custody lawyers in South Carolina. Consider calling (888) 748-KING to continue this discussion with King Law Offices.
Present a United Front
The Child Mind Institute recommends presenting a united front when informing children of divorce for the first time. Even if parents feel bitter and resentful, sitting down together with the children could minimize psychological harm for the young ones. When parents break the news together, they can limit the perception of a fractured family. A mutual discussion with the entire family gives the impression that everyone is on the same team – and various child psychologists believe that it is the right call for most parents.
Before this discussion, parents should mutually agree on what to say. Both parents should have a turn to speak, and they may wish to create a “script” beforehand. This pre-planned approach minimizes the chances of arguments, strengthening the perception of unity. Note that parents can still create this impression even if they completely disagree on virtually every aspect of the divorce. Save the disputes for the negotiation table or courtroom floor. The psychological well-being of the children depends on the appearance of cooperation and unity – even if it is a carefully choreographed farce.
Avoid Parental Alienation
After divorcing parents break the news, they must continue to communicate carefully with their children. One particularly problematic mistake is “parental alienation,” and this behavior can potentially affect child custody outcomes in South Carolina. Parental alienation occurs when one parent harms or sabotages the relationship between their children and the other parent. This behavior can be intentional or accidental, and it is something that family courts in South Carolina actively discourage.
For example, a parent might blame their ex for causing the split when discussing divorce with the children in private. This could be something as simple as an offhand remark – or a quiet conversation with friends overheard by an eavesdropping child. As most parents know, little ones tend to repeat everything they hear – and the other parent could quickly find out about these negative remarks. Another example is a public social media post in which one parent “vents” about their ex. Remember, social media posts are often public – and children may be able to easily access them. These behaviors may cause the “offending” parent to experience less favorable child custody outcomes. In other words, the parent may spend less time with their children after divorce – and family courts penalize parental alienation. Combined with other issues and misconduct, this could lead to the other “innocent” parent receiving sole custody. There are many other examples of parental alienation, and parents may wish to review them with King Law Offices before discussing too much with their children.
Try Not to Sugarcoat the Situation
Although it might be tempting to sugarcoat the situation, children benefit more from a realistic approach during discussions about divorce. Honesty is a cornerstone of effective communication, and this is particularly important in the field of child psychology. Although it might seem like an artificially optimistic stance benefits children, it can cause much more harm than good. As most parents know, children have surprisingly strong memories. If a parent makes a promise, their child expects them to follow through – even years later. Remember, a divorce is a time of unavoidable uncertainty. Avoid throwing fuel on the fire by making promises that are impossible to keep.
Instead, parents should focus on the future outcomes they can predict with absolute certainty. They can promise their children that they will always love them, no matter what. Parents can assure their children that they did not cause the divorce, and that they did nothing wrong. They can also describe the negative, inescapable consequences of divorce. Perhaps the most obvious example is the fact that the family will no longer live together under one roof. Avoid making vague statements like “everything will be okay,” because there is no way to predict how a divorce will affect a particular child.
Leave Child Psychology to the Professionals
Parents can certainly help their children navigate the difficulties of a divorce, but they may not be the best-qualified individuals to help with mental health challenges. Sometimes, parents make psychological outcomes worse while attempting to help their children. For example, many parents become overly lenient toward their children during divorce – often due to a sense of guilt. In order to compensate, parents often fail to discipline their children after bad behavior. They might also overindulge their children and spoil them with various luxuries. Although this might seem like the best way to address mental health issues, it exaggerates the sense of turbulence and uncertainty during divorce. Children benefit most from stability during divorce, and this includes consistent discipline.
Guidance from child psychologists during divorce could prove helpful for the whole family. These professionals are trained to address the best interests of young ones, and they could help parents communicate more effectively during divorce with children. Child psychologists may contribute to discussions during mediation, and family courts may seek their unbiased guidance during custody battles.
Contact the Experienced Family Law Attorneys at King Law Offices Today
Although a few basic tips can make speaking about divorce with children easier, parents should still review the various legal factors surrounding child custody in South Carolina. After speaking about these laws and guidelines with an experienced family law attorney, parents may be able to speak more confidently with their children about divorce. It is all too easy to say the wrong thing during these conversations, and a single ill-advised comment could potentially affect child custody outcomes. Before broaching this topic, consider speaking with King Law Offices. Parents have the option to call (888) 748-KING and discuss this subject in more detail.