According to the North Carolina Judicial Branch, alternative dispute resolution (ADR) allows spouses to settle their own divorce-related disputes in a non-adversarial environment. One popular ADR method is divorce mediation, and it offers numerous potential benefits. Mediation may lead to faster, cheaper, and more private divorces. However, one of the most overlooked advantages of divorce mediation is the fact that it can reduce lasting feelings of bitterness between spouses. This outcome may make the years and decades after divorce less stressful, especially if former spouses must work together to raise their children. In order to ensure less resentment, spouses navigating divorce mediation must prioritize cooperation, transparency, and diplomacy. However, it is also important to negotiate from a position of strength. An experienced divorce mediation lawyer in North Carolina or South Carolina may be able to help spouses balance these goals. Consider calling (888) 748-KING to continue the conversation at King Law Firm.
Why Is Diplomacy Important During Divorce Mediation?
Many spouses mistakenly approach divorce mediation with a trial mentality. Before negotiations begin, it is important to understand the key differences between divorce trials and divorce mediation – as each requires a different approach. Trials are inherently adversarial, encouraging spouses to adopt a “me vs. you” mentality. The goal here is to win arguments, walk away with as much as possible, and “score points.” On the other hand, mediation is a much more cooperative process. Everyone is supposed to feel like they are on the same team. Divorce mediation is voluntary, and spouses must be willing to work together for it to be successful.
A commitment to negotiate in good faith is essential from the first negotiation session. Often, spouses will sign contracts affirming their intention to listen, compromise, and avoid litigation to the best of their abilities. If neither spouse is willing to compromise, the negotiations may immediately stall – and a public trial could become inevitable. Divorce will then become less confidential and more expensive while taking longer to finalize. Spouses can overcome impasses by remaining flexible and open to compromise. However, this often requires a careful balance. If a spouse is too flexible, they may fail to achieve their goals during divorce mediation – and this could increase feelings of bitterness in post-divorce life.
How to Balance Transparency and Strategy During Mediation
Transparency is another important aspect of divorce mediation, and spouses should commit to truthfulness before the negotiations begin. During a divorce trial, transparency is enforced with various mandatory processes like discovery. A formal discovery process during litigation requires both spouses to provide each other with as much information as possible, including documents, statements, and perhaps cell phone records. This process is less formal during mediation, and spouses must trust each other to disclose any information that might be relevant to the divorce. If spouses attempt to conceal or refuse to disclose key documents, they may lose trust in each other and the viability of future negotiations. Litigation may then become inevitable.
On the other hand, spouses may want to avoid telegraphing their needs and wants during divorce mediation. Suppose a spouse desperately wants to keep possession of a family heirloom. Unbeknownst to their ex, this heirloom may be more important to the spouse than any other asset in the estate – including the family home, vehicle, and pet. If this spouse reveals how much they want the heirloom, they may give their ex “leverage” during negotiations. In other words, the ex could force the spouse to accept an unfavorable property division settlement in exchange for the heirloom. Knowledge is power during negotiations, and spouses may wish to play their cards close to their chests.
Do Not Be Transparent About Mediation in Public
While transparency is important in the negotiation room, spouses should avoid this same level of openness when speaking about divorce mediation in public. Normally, spouses sign confidentiality agreements before beginning the mediation process. These agreements prohibit spouses from repeating the details of their negotiations in public, and violations may lead to financial penalties. One of the key benefits of mediation is enhanced privacy, and spouses may not be happy to learn that their exes are speaking openly about these confidential discussions. Frank, honest exchanges are only beneficial if they stay in the negotiation room.
Learn to Express Needs Instead of Wants
Experienced negotiators know that it helps to focus on “needs” rather than “wants.” The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School describes these as “interests” and “positions,” but the core concepts are the same. A “want” or “position” is inherently inflexible because it represents a very narrow outcome. In the context of divorce, a “want” might be a specific vehicle in the family garage. Perhaps the most common “want” during divorce is the family home. When a spouse wants something so specific, there is virtually no room for compromise.
In contrast, “needs” can be satisfied by multiple potential outcomes. For example, a spouse might express their need for reliable transport or somewhere to live. This straightforward adjustment in communication leaves the door open for creative, flexible deals during divorce mediation – and it is a key strategy in all diplomatic discussions. For example, the other spouse might agree to provide them with enough cash to purchase a new car or home. Note that this adjustment is not easy for all spouses, especially those who feel an attachment to certain assets for sentimental reasons. Spouses who want to pursue specific assets during divorce may want to discuss these goals with lawyers from King Law Firm.
Navigate Divorce Mediation With Help From King Law Firm
Although online research may provide some guidance on how to approach divorce mediation, these negotiations depend on the specific circumstances of each family. One of the first steps in a successful divorce mediation is the clear identification of goals. Different spouses prioritize different things when approaching mediation, and it is impossible to establish an effective negotiation strategy without taking these priorities into account. This is why spouses often consult with experienced divorce attorneys in South Carolina or North Carolina as a preliminary step before negotiating. A meeting at King Law Firm could help spouses set realistic goals for divorce mediation based on their unique needs and wants. To explore these topics in more detail, call (888) 748-KING.